i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
