why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
