is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Randomize
