where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
