I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
