I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
