My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Randomize
