you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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