After last night, I could never be a politician.
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
