This house was built for laser tag.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
