Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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