only you would photoshop your dick
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Randomize
