Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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