The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
