Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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