Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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