just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
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