Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
