So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
