i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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