Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Randomize
