I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Randomize
