I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Randomize
