I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
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