Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
