You work out of a Hotel?
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
