I wannas sexs uuuuu
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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