so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
