We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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