I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
