I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
