i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
