i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Randomize
