I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
you didnt know i had herpes?
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
