if you like me you must not know who I am
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
