Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Randomize
