The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
