OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
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