Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
