When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
