I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
