So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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