Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
only if we run a train.
done.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
