these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
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