i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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