I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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