I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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