When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
So vagazzling was a success
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
