it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
