Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
This baby is an asshole
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
