i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
