my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
