Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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